When I was 14 I was diagnosed with lupus. I was in the 8th grade and I was an accomplished athlete. I had a lot of schools chasing me until my lupus started changing me. I remember I was admitted into Yale hospital for 2 1/2 weeks and I was bed bound but it taught me survival, independence and I feared less. My sport was basketball, that was the sport I absolutely loved with all of my heart. I was so determined to get back on the court but I couldn’t get out of the bed. I couldn’t deal with the fact that I would never play again and on top of that I had to go through physical therapy to relearn my mobility and functional skills, I had to learn to walk again and even how to feed myself again. But as time went on the coaches from my school and the rest of the free world seemed not to wanna take their chance on a lupee (what us lupus patients call each other). I lost that passion in my soul like the way I felt when playing a pick up game against someone with a name. It didn’t matter who all-conference, All-Area, All-American whoever I had to match up with the competition and play my heart out to mark my territory and I actually thought that I would never feel that way again about anything. But I was wrong. Years later when I was in my own world I saw a pretty girl. She was a bit city hood with a little country girl swagger to her. She had this big ass welcoming smile served with a warm heart. Very lady like and kind hearted and I liked everything about her. But this pretty girl just had to be a somebody and I was a nobody. See (let’s call her Ms X) she was a famous DJ, producer and club promoter and for some strange reason she actually would smile back at my black ass with her big ass teeth lol. I never got past her smile, I was caught up. Here was this beautiful soul that loved the music like I did, her ears would detail every last moment in lyricism like I did and she smiled hard like I did. She, her smile and kindness brought back that feeling that I thought I lost. This chick made me nervous as hell lol, I wasn’t scared of nothing except the lupus and her. My heart and happy ass would skip every time I seen her smile. She was extremely nice to me because at the time i was enrolled in sound audio engineering school and she was sweet enough to say yes to an internship for school. Whatever it took I had to be next to that smile. Like I said I couldn’t get past her smile but then a few weeks later I noticed the rest of her! She was beautiful from every last angle u could think of. I wanted to make that pretty lady my girl. Fast forward past all the lupus painful days to present day: Mr Cheeks (Lost Boyz) was doing a show at Club Terminal in New Haven, CT and Ms X was on the one twos. Mr. Cheeks performed his greatest hits: Renee, Lex Coops, Lights Camera Action. and Lifstyles of the rich and shameless. I didn’t plan on saying anything or trying to interact with her but I just had to see her. After all these years (11 to be exact) she actually looked better and even more curvier than before. Once again I thought I never feel that happy ass pounding and my stomach gitter but I did. Man she looked great. What I can’t get over is that my immune system can break down, my joints can ache, and my head can get brain fogs but none of it can compare to the way I feel when I see her. Lol and this time was no different than before because I got scared as hell when I saw her. She doesn’t know but the day after she agreed to my internship my brother from another overdosed on heroin. My soul changed forever and one night when she was behind the DJ booth I walked up to the bar by the booth and I just wanted to see what she would do. I noticed her notice me and she gave me that beautiful smile for the last time. See I had to go, my boy was gone and part of me died with him. I remember the other people in the DJ booth was looking at her like she was crazy but she didn’t care and she gave me my smile. I always felt I had unfinished business with her but I didn’t intend on seeing her again. Me and this lupee life of mine is hectic. So for all u other scared punk bitches lol, you’ll need to redefine your strength and passion and you cant be light in the ass or your chest or back. But I’m gonna use the lupus to fuel me because lately I’ve been having flares and I know I’m not promised tomorrow, so Ms X one last time I have to have u smile at me before I go. And once again lady today’s workout is dedicated to you. Good training to all, and to all a good fight!!!!
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Posted in: Uncategorized | Tags: ALL AMERICA, ALL CONFERENCE, all-area, back, basketball, bench press, chest, ct, dj, female dj, good mornings, incline bench, lat pull downs, Lex Coops, Lights Camera Action. and Lifstyles of the rich and shameless, lost boyz, lupee, lupus, lupus advocate, lupus facts, Mr cheeks, prep schools, pull downs, pull-ups, push ups, Renee, TERMINAL 110 KEYS TO THE CITY, yale, yale hospital, yale new haven